I Could Never...

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. Tim and I were sitting in the back row of a van, making our way through the streets of Ethiopia. We were on our way to visit our soon to be adopted children and were deep in conversation with two other couples whom we had met only a few days earlier. Like us, they were full of excitement as we prepared to see our children for the very first time. As we rode in that van, each anticipating the moments we had looked forward to for so long, our friendship quickly moved past small talk and onto deeper discussions. One of the couples began sharing their experiences of being foster parents. I listened in amazement and commented, “I think it is wonderful that you can take a child into your home and be able to love on them knowing all the while you have to give them back.” I went on to explain how I could never do that because I don’t have the emotional stability. I was surprised by the husband’s response. With much tact and kindness he replied, “It’s a good thing Christ didn’t say that about you on His way to the cross.” Ouch!

I knew he was right. God had already proven in my life that when He asks me to do something hard, He gives me all I need to do it. A good friend recently reminded me that my fears are not uncommon. Jesus Himself questioned his own emotional stability when just before His death He asked God in Luke 22:42, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Thankfully, God didn’t remove it, rather He gave Him the strength He needed to do the incredibly hard thing He was born to do, to die for us so that we might live eternally with Him. In response to that amazing gift He gave us by dying on the cross, the Bible tells us we are to do hard things and die to ourselves so that others may understand what His sacrifice means to them and choose also to live for Him, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” Luke 9:23-24.

Today I was faced with that hard thing I once said I’d never be able to do. I should have seen it coming after that convicting conversation in the van in Ethiopia, however, I’m learning that like most challenges we face, we are never fully prepared.  After caring for two precious baby girls for three months through a private fostering type program called Safe Families (http://orphancarealliance.org/safe-families-for-children/) , today was the day we had to take them home. Although we know it is best for them to be with their birthmother and/or father in a safe and stable place, the lump in my throat that won’t go away and the tears I keep trying to push back prove that giving back these babies that I’ve treated as my own is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  

Thankfully though, God wasn’t surprised by the tough challenge we would face today. He knew well in advance that it would be hard to say goodbye and therefore He had some surprises planned.

First, He showed me the promise of blessings that come from serving in this way by taking me to Psalm 41:1 in my morning Bible reading, “How blessed is he who considers the helpless; the LORD will deliver him in a day of trouble.”  

Next, He blew us away at church this morning when a friend handed Pavlina an envelope containing an anonymous donation for the mission trip she is taking this summer to Honduras. This amount, when added to what she has made from the jewelry she has sold and additional donations from friends and family, covers the cost of her whole trip. Wow!

God wasn’t finished though. After saying goodbye to the babies and dropping them off, Tim decided that in an attempt to try and cheer the kids up, we would do something we’ve never done and take all eight of them to Waffle House. We had a great time indulging in waffles for lunch and just before leaving, we were shocked when our waitress told us that an anonymous customer had paid for our meal. We were speechless. I immediately remembered what God had said this morning when I didn’t know how we’d get through this day, “How blessed is he who considers the helpless; the LORD will deliver him in a day of trouble.”

 As hard as it has been to say goodbye today to these precious babies whom we have grown to know and love as part of our family, I am so thankful for the experience because it has given us the chance to again witness God’s presence and faithfulness when we obey. My friend was right. Christ did a very hard thing for me and as one of His followers, I am expected to do the same for others and die to myself. Maybe the most important lesson I’m learning in all of this is to trust God’s sovereignty and stop saying, “I could never…”.